| Plane ride back to Fort Worth | April 5 | 11:00 PM
In 30 days, I am moving to California.
In 30 days, I will be saying goodbye to Fort Worth.
The place where I haven't just made friends - but family.
The place where you have blessed me more than I ever could have possibly imagined.
The past four years have been radical.
The last four years have been some of the most important and wonderful years of my life.
These years have been so jam packed with life -
Ups. Downs. Beauty. Brokenness. Laughter. Tears. And every little thing in between.
So much life has happened over the last four years.
And I will never have enough words to say how grateful I am for it all.
So so so so so grateful.
Thank you God for getting real with me.
Thank you God for changing me & my life.
Thank you God for all that has happened, is happening, and what will happen in the days to come.
I am so dang excited.
I am just buzzin'.
Look at all that you have done in my life.
Yes my life.
Little ol' me's life.
Who am I to have received all that you have given me?
Who am I to have deserved a life like this?
A love like this?
Friends like this?
Family like this?
Experiences like this?
Who the heck am I to have deserved all that you have so extravagantly given me?
My heart and soul is so overwhelmed.
And I'm full of thanks.
Thank you God.
You are so much more than just good.
You are….you’re ah…you’re indescribable.. extraordinary…beautiful…faithful…..full of grace….full of relentless love…."better than anything on this earth” kind of joy….you are God.
You are the God of this world.
Yet you are my God too.
You are my best friend. Rock. Saver. Love of my life.
God you are my everything.
And everything would truly be nothing without you.
Looking ahead towards the days to come,
all I want to do is spend the rest of my days loving and enjoying you.
I want to spend all my days working hard for you and loving your people and the rest of creation like you do.
And I want to be good at it. Really really good at it.
And I need you. I need you to show me how.
I need you to come inside of me.
I need you to live within me.
I need you to be the heart beating inside of my chest.
I need you to be the thoughts racing through my head.
I need you to be the passion and the excitement that pulses through my veins.
I need you to be the warmth and sparkle in my eyes.
I need you to be the beautiful and radiant smile that comes across my face.
I need you to be a light within me when everything else around me in this world goes dark.
I need you to completely come live within me.
I need you to empty myself of “myself” and let you come on in and take back what’s yours.
You made me. You created me from scratch.
You know every square inch of me- thoroughly & intimately.
You're my designer, builder and maker.
And you made me in your image.
You made me to be like you.
That is my design.
And far too many days of my life are spent going against the way you designed me to be.
Far too many days and years of my life have been spent ignoring you.
Far too many decisions and things in my life have been because I'm just trying to "do me" and do whatever I want.
But I don't want what I want anymore.
I want what you want now.
When I try to do things on my own, they straight up just don't work out.
It all falls apart.
Because you were meant to call the shots.
You were the one who wrote our design manual for living this life.
And so I want to give it all back. Give it all back to you.
I should never have tried to take my own life away from you in the first place.
Haha I clearly can't do this on my own.
So take it, God.
Take my life.
It's all yours.
But I'm gonna need you to show me how to do this.
How to do it all.
How to do everyday ordinary life.
How to work.
How to have relax & rest.
How to go out & turn up & have fun.
How to be an amazing friend.
How to be an amazing girlfriend.
How to be an amazing daughter.
How to be an amazing worker.
How to be an amazing roommate.
I need you to show me how.
Show me how to live this life up.
Show me how to do it excellently, beautifully & wonderfully.
In a way that’s pleasing to you.
'Cause I'm pretty sure this is the only life I’ve got.
And my biggest fear is to waste it and to miss out on all the greatness that you have in store for us. So, right here. Right now...I am asking you to come inside of me fully and to do some radical stuff with me and the rest of my life.
Let’s do this. Let’s have some fun.
Let’s ride this thing till the wheels fall off.
You and me God.
Let's live this life bein' constantly close and in relationship with one another.
Let's live this life so full out that, on that day, when I finally come home,
I will be able to look at you and say
"I used everything you gave me."
As this next chapter begins to close and another begins to crack open,